Blue progress

The photo doesn't do it justice.  I'm liking the blue so much better than the yellow.  Tomorrow I'll try to take a better pic so I can sell the china cabinet on Marketplace.  We managed to get the rest of the chair rail off and patch the damage.  I'll use the power sander instead of hand-sanding, because doing that much physical activity makes me having coughing fits.  Yes, I have a respirator.  Once that's sanded, I'll prime and trim the paint, possibly also painting the molding.  Then Tuesday I can roll surfaces, and maybe this will look like a normal dining room.

If I can sell the china cabinets, I'll have enough to buy a table saw.  And I really WANT a table saw, so fingers crossed for me there.  It would be handy to have for making the built-ins for this room.  I can always rent one, but I'd rather have my own.  It would get a lot of use. 

Tomorrow I'll also be listing a bunch of clothes on depop.  I figure each night I can iron a bag of clothing and prep it for photos, then the next day I can photograph and list.  I have so many bags to get through, but this seems manageable.  I did one tonight and it was like nothing.  So I guess I'll just keep going like this and see what happens?  The key is to not let it get annoying.  Take breaks, and don't watch the listings for views, just set it and forget it. There are so many other things to worry about.

I'll give that a shot.

Progress

 

I started trimming out the dining room today.  The yellow just isn't doing it for me anymore, plus we removed the very 90s chair rails so would have to paint anyway.  Oh, I had such a cute vision for the yellow, but it just didn't work in this space.  The blue matches my office, which is right across the foyer, so it will look more balanced I guess.

We also took two loads of stuff to the local ReStore, about 15 minutes away.  Four outdoor rocking chairs with two matching small tables, plus two more outdoor pub chairs, pool noodles, an American flag, and the ceiling fan that used to live in the kitchen.  They weren't sure if they had room for the ceiling fan and I'm grateful that they did indeed find room, because I really didn't want to take that stupid thing back home.

 

 

Tomorrow we are going to remove the rest of the chair rail from the dining room.  It's so fucking ugly! That nonsense has no redeeming qualities.  And my brain is so desperate for change, I really sat here and painted half a room.  The rest will be yellow for a bit still, while we remove it, spackle the damage, wait til it dries, sand it, prime it, then trim that side of the room.  There's furniture we need to move and all.  But I just HAD to start, I had to see SOME kind of change.

Plus, I want to sell the china cabinet in the second picture, and the snap I take of it to put on Marketplace will look much better with the blue background.  Once that's gone (and I sell the one in the other corner) I'm going to make built-ins, because storage in this house is damn near non-existent.  We put in a lot.  And that's stupid!  This is a huge house with no fucking storage!  Who built this damn thing?

Anyway.

Letting go

My bullet journal reflection for February.  And I was gone for two weeks of it!  Honestly, we're in for such a shit show.

I went to bed last night absolutely shaking with anger, after trying to deal with yet more nonsense that is broken, doesn't work right, missing, or otherwise just not doing its thing.  It's like everything I touch is electrified.  Sometimes I don't know why I bother trying.  I want to make things better, but it's all just... well, it's a shit show inside this house too.

But I think I've finally progressed to a point in my life where I'm really ready to get rid of a majority of what I own. It was a slow-burn thing for me, to be ready, but I've been thinking about it and letting it marinate for a very long time and I think I'm there.  I have about a dozen bags of clothing to get rid of, lots of furniture, stuff to send to fabric recycling like old sheets and duvets, craft supplies, and various odds and ends.

I absolutely cannot wait til next week when my mother in law gets here.  This is going to be amazing!  Our goal is to clean out the basement bedroom so my husband and I can have a real floor put down.  The room is already painted and ready to be a real space.  It's just packed to the gills right now.  And I think I'm angry enough to let most of it go.

Speaking of which, yesterday I got so mad at a curtain of fairy lights that I just simply threw them out.  Progress!

I should really just stay in the house

 

At Home Depot:

Me: Do you guys have the GE Cync lights? I thought I saw them here at one point.

Employee: Is that a brand?

Me: GE? General Electric?

Employee: That's a brand?

Me: *brain BSoD*

General fucking Electric? Not ringing any bells?!!

 

This hurt my brain pretty badly, so I called three Home Depots in my home state of New Jersey.  The young-sounding kids who answered the phone of course knew what the fuck General Electric is, so I think this is a Virginia-education problem.

Do better, assholes.

One step closer

 The cabinets are gone.  Still some stuff down there, but we have a whole huge corner of the basement empty.  EMPTY!

The guys who came were fun.  It turned into a whole thing, but we laughed through it.  Mostly issues with their trailer.  

So, I have $440 and SPACE.  

Tomorrow I will list more things on Marketplace and see if we can keep this train rolling.

I'm also looking forward to getting a dumpster.  So much little nonsense, big nonsense that can just go.  And I'm learning to just say FUCK IT and let things leave my life.

Mother in law is coming on the 8th, and we're going to power through the rest of that stupid basement.  YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, BASEMENT.

Sometimes days be like this

 Yesterday and today have had me dead.  So much shit is already broken in this house, and now shit that had been working fine has just stopped doing its thing, stopped responding, suddenly doing weird things, etc.  Everywhere I turn, something is messed up.  And the house is just straight messy!  To someone like me, who probably has AHDH (diagnosis coming soon!) everything but extreme minimalism seems messy and overwhelming.  And boy, am I overwhelmed.  

 We're absolutely decluttering.  Things go in the out piles or trash every day.  Still, I'm full up and at the edges of my pain boundaries.  Today we worked on the basement.  Made good progress!  It looks better!  Someone is coming over tomorrow to pick up the old kitchen cabinets, which will mean a lot more room down there!  I was grumpy the entire time.  We were literally doing what I've wanted to do for ages and I was just pissed off all through it.  Fuck's sake with me.

Maybe I'll feel better when the cabinets actually go, when the trash actually goes, when the donate pile actually goes.

We discussed having a standing appointment each Saturday to bring stuff to the ReStore.  That might be the only way I start to mentally lighten up.  Because FFS...

The kid coming to get the cabinets (and I assume he's like 25 max because his name is Jaden) is really sweet, has been super communicative, and might want to take other stuff too.  He says he just bought a house and has nothing.  Well, pull up a chair son, because I have EVERYTHING.

Of course, I can't find half the shit I wanted to give him.  God damn I'm so sick of this.

Ok ok ok... look, my mother in law is coming back in a week or so to help me deal with the rest of the stuff in the basement.  That will feel good, right?  And we can call Jaden back so he can get stuff.

Also, I'm painting my nails and the paint never fucking dries?? WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING FUCKING WORK RIGHT.  ANYTHING! 

Right! We went on vacation!

 It was pretty good.  Started a bit rough, but we got into the swing of things.  It was 80 degrees every day in the Caribbean, which, man, I could really go for that here in Virginia.

We spent some time in Florida this vacation, because that's where the cruise port is, and for some reason the boat stopped in Ft Lauderdale again in the middle.  My cousin lives there, so we got to see him.  It was great!  I haven't seen him in literally 40 years.  I'm so grateful for that opportunity.

I miss waking up each day to the sound and sight and smell of the ocean.  I miss being able to open the balcony door and have it right there.  It completely changes my whole outlook on everything.  Being near the water is so bloody important to my mental and physical well-being.  I need to make that a reality again.

I actually kinda know what I'm doing

 A few years ago, I got certified as a mindfulness facilitator, and I'm using that to help people declutter.  I thought I'd make a website about it, so that's what I've been doing since we got home from our cruise.  Mindfulness is such a great tool for this!  It's helped me so much going through all the nonsense in my basement.  

The annoying part is setting up all the various pieces on the website, things that will let me schedule consultations (got that one), schedule sessions, take payments, etc.  I honestly just want to give it to my husband to do because I'm over it.

No.  I'm not over it.  I'm just sick.  I have bronchitis!  Of course I don't really feel like doing stuff.  So either I'll let him do it, or wait until I'm functional.

This is me learning to rest vs giving up.

The site looks pretty good so far, so I can be proud of that.

I'm just rambling.

I don't even know what I'm doing

This is under my bathroom sink.

I've never seen a pipe labeled as such before, but yanno, new year new experiences I guess.

The second half of 2024 wasn't great, and 2025 is shaping up to be a mixed bag.  My husband is doing wedding photography now which is really fun for the both of us.

I never feel all that great. 

It's fine.  Everything is fine.

Epilogue on the mental breakdown

 It wasn't that bad.  Getting off the Lexapro was the right thing to do.  Sure, it sucked a little, but I think a lot of my problem was frustration at my living situation.  Due to this country losing its collective mind, we're moving back to New Jersey.  That solves my living situation issue, for sure!  Because like, the issue was I hate Virginia and want to go home.  So, we're going home!

This is about the time I worry about not being on some kind of anti-depressant.  Winter sucks, AND I HATES IT.  Doing OK so far.  February is really the worst time, but we have a 2 week vacation planned for then, so!  Hope!

I had surgery in October and I'm still recovering.  While I can do basically anything I would normally do, I still have some pain.  Actually it's new pain, which is worrying.  Probably aggravated by all my sweet dance moves.